


comfort me

by Storylover0513



Series: bokuaka stuff [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Attempt at angst, Character Study, Communication, Editor Akaashi Keiji, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, light fluff, stressed!akaashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storylover0513/pseuds/Storylover0513
Summary: It started with one twitch, then more movement as sobs wracked the editor's body. Bokuto, to say the least, was confused. He had never experienced a low like this with Akaashi.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: bokuaka stuff [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926472
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88





	comfort me

It started with one twitch, then more movement as sobs wracked the editor's body. Bokuto, to say the least, was confused. He had never experienced a low like this with Akaashi. He pulled away from the hug to examine his partner's face. Tears streaked his complexion, for the first time since seeing the younger boy in the hospital, the athlete acknowledged the prominent eye bags on the other half. He noticed the tired look in the editor's eyes, the exhausted posture, and the stained glasses. 

He mentally berated himself for not noticing beforehand. Quickly the former setter distanced himself to hide his crying face, wiping away at an endless loop of tears. Akaashi managed a weak bow, "I'm sorry for putting you through this trouble, Bokuto-san." 

_First name basis,_ Bokuto realized. There was something serious going on, he deducted. The normal Akaashi would never resort to calling Koutarou his family name in the comforts of his home. "Akaashi...tell me what's wrong so I can fix it. Are you okay?" 

The athlete should've known better than asking someone if they're okay when it's visibly direct that they're not. With Akaashi's tired bow, he started to cry again, choking from the emotion welling in his throat. The only sounds recognizable were drops from the filled bathtub and Keiji's cries that echoed in the small, but homey, bathroom. 

Akaashi moves on from his bow to stand up as straight as his fatigue would let him. The product of his sadness was very implicit on his face, his eyebrows wrenched together in a stressed manner. "When I was in the hospital," he said a few more coughs, "why didn't you stay with me?" 

"When I wasn't responding to your texts," a quivering breath, "why didn't you come to see if I was okay?" 

"Why didn't you comfort me, Bokuto-san?" the question trailed as he sobbed even harder. 

"I had work, I even cleaned your apartment," Bokuto had begun before his mouth snapped shut. Akaashi's eyes had dulled. Not a good move, the wing spiker retraced his steps. 

_I'm so tired, but my body won't rest._

_Of course, you can't rest. You have deadlines to meet._

_Everyone is busy, Akaashi, Bokuto had a valid reason to leave you._

_Stop playing the victim. There are more stressed people in the world._

_You have it better._

_Be grateful._

_Be grateful._

_Be grateful._

Akaashi Keiji had a lot on his mind. 

Bokuto watched as the boy reached to meet his panging head. He met with the boy on the floor and kneeled across from him. He held out his hands, Akaashi didn't take them. The setter grimaced as another wave of migraines wracked his head. His intrusive thoughts had been worse lately as he began to take on more work. He felt he needed to prove his worth as he was chosen to lead the new project the editing company had kick-started. 

"I'm tired," Akaashi started, "I don't eat well. I don't sleep well. I haven't worked healthily either. I don't, I can't." 

The older man nodded as the editor made an attempt to share his locked away emotions. Even if he couldn't, Bokuto would make sure he would get it out of him. Just before visiting the boy's apartment to clean things up, he received a heated call from Kenma explaining Akaashi's situation and criticizing his skills as a boyfriend. He felt bad. 

"When you came to check on me before I collapsed, I wanted to hug you so bad, but the thoughts," Akaashi sighed, "the thoughts in my head thought otherwise. When you came to the hospital but left, the voices attacked me for thinking selfishly." Tears that were held back broke loose. 

"Then, I worked even harder to get the voices to stop. It only made it worse and," Akaashi looked to the ceiling hoping that the tears would stop clouding his confession, "and seeing you must have triggered something." 

"Bokuto-san, you possess such a kind soul, anyone would be lucky to have you. I know you put your best interests at heart and have good intentions," Akaashi began, voice cracking, "but it hurt watching your back when you left me in the hospital. I know you have work and everything, I'm sorry." 

"Stop saying your sorry," Bokuto corrected. 

Akaashi looked up in shock, the athlete made sure to hold his gaze. 

"You keep apologizing, Keiji. You have nothing to be sorry about. Who should be sorry is the manager who put so much work on you. Who should be sorry, are your friends for not noticing your behavior. Who should be sorry," Bokuto started, cupping Akaashi's face, "is me for not staying with you." Guilt prominent in his features. 

"Ji, you are the strongest person I know, okay? Never should you beat yourself up for something that's out of your grasp," Akaashi nods, swallowing back tears. 

Koutarou was well acquainted with Akaashi's insecurities. It was a first in their new relationship that the former setter was open to sharing it as much as he was now. The first time he had witnessed the intrusive thoughts was back in high school when the team was up against a very mentally draining opponent. Akaashi was sidelined to collect his thoughts for a portion of the game. In the end, they won the game, but the mental battle for the setter was far from over.

 _"It's not impossible, it's just hard!"_ The captain wondered if saying those words now would evoke the editor from his lows. He was brought back to the moment by the sound of sniffling coming from his partner. 

"We're normal, Keiji. Just two men who happen to live in a cruel world, yeah?" 

_Normal_. Akaashi knew the pair was far from normal. A stressed editor and an Olympic volleyball player were quite rare when it came to everyday couples. However, hearing the simple word was able to calm his spirits to a degree. 

"I just feel I have to prove myself or gain back some worth after not getting into the literature department," he concludes. "I still haven't told my mother, I wonder if she'd be disappointed." 

Bokuto sighs, securing his grasp on the two cheeks. "Ji, if anything, your mother should understand. How long have you been feeling this way?" he inquired. 

Akaashi was silent. 

"Ever since I failed the exam," he finally let out. Bokuto frowned. 

"You're the captain of your new project, let's start with that. You work for a high-achieving editing company. You've worked with people like Udai Tenma. Keiji, how could your mother be disappointed?" he asks, giving a lenient smile. 

"I guess you're right." 

"I know I'm right," Bokuto smiles wider. This time, Akaashi returns a fraction of it. _Progress._

He makes moves to remove them from the wet bathroom floor and Akaashi pulls him back down. He grabs for his jacket, not yet ready for more contact. "Let's just stay here for a bit."

"Of course, Ji." 

They don't stay too long on the cold floor before they move to the old couch Akaashi inherited from his childhood home. The whole time, Akaashi hasn't let go of Bokuto, afraid he'll relapse into his recent breakdown. Koutarou enjoys the contact, making sure to not separate from his boyfriend. As Akaashi scrolls through Netflix, trying to find a movie, the ace receives a message from his closest friend.

**Kuroo: how's he doing?**

**Bokuto: he's calmed down. we're watching a movie now**

**Kuroo: okay tell him i hope he's okay, kenma too**

**Bokuto: sure thing. thank kenma for me**

He puts the phone down and examines the boy. He's opted for clinging to his left arm as he watches the movie displayed on the TV. Bokuto holds Akaashi closer, and he hums. 

"Koutarou," a small voice calls out.

"Yeah, Ji?" 

"I love you." 

Koutarou smiles and kisses his hair, "I love you too, Keiji. More than anything. I'm the luckiest man in the world." 

"I think I'm quite lucky too," Akaashi affirms. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers! This fanfic is inspired by @mookie000 's "a lot on my mind" on Twitter! Their art is great and you should go check them out! 
> 
> I really wanted to study Akaashi's stress as an editor because I'm sure he has had some lows and it has been on my mind for a while. I hope I did him justice and didn't go too far of track. Also let's hope Akaashi is doing okay and isn't overworking himself, whatever universe he may be in. :) 
> 
> Link to artwork thread: https://twitter.com/mookie000/status/1274011468770484225?s=20


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